Winners of the Elevator Speech Contest Announced
Thanks to everyone who contributed their Elevator Speech for our contest. We received over 20 entries. Apparently we have clients who sell glue, who pretend to be presidents, who work with special needs kids and who are reducing greenhouse gases. It’s great to know that we work with so many amazing people who are doing so many amazing things.
For those of you that didn’t win, there were two overriding factors for you to consider. First was the length of your speech – remember, 150 words MAX. The second was excessive use of industry jargon. Both of these result in what I call the Eye Glaze, not what you want the person you are talking to to be doing. Read over your responses and remember you are writing a conversation starter, not sales copy.
Far and away the most common entrants were from folks in the financial services and insurance fields. In fact, that’s where our winners come from.
First Place – Don Legere
You know how most people are concerned about saving enough for retirementwhile providing for the needs of their family today?
What I do is help these peopledevelop and implement a plan to provide for their financial security, both now and in the future.
(Ask conversational questions – Are you married? Do you have children? where do you work?)
David, I work with a lot of people “just like you”. We need to get together so you can determine if the type of work I do would be beneficial in your situation.
In your line of work, are days or evenings better for you? (Set appointment)
I chose this speech for its simple and clear language. It is neither flashy nor especially clever (although we had some very flashy and clever lines that I liked a lot. See below). It states very simply and very clearly what his business is. It is not showy, ostentatious or technical and I think that makes it very attractive to people who are simply asking Don about his business.
I can see how this simple presentation would appeal to many people immediately and provide Don with the opportunity to turn that short interaction into an appointment. Nicely done.
Second Place – Gail Nickse
“I connect the dots between your dreams and your dollars”
Gail won second place because of the beautiful word picture it creates. I immediately get what she is after, and I can feel the real emotional purpose behind it.
Third Place – Amy Schell
“What if I could teach you all you ever need to know about insurance in 30 seconds or less, would you let me?”
[they always say yes, because they don't believe me]
I then say: “Okay here you go, 762-9310 my number is all you ever need to know!”
I had to award Amy because it just made me laugh out loud. It takes a certain kind of person to pull this off, and only certain kinds of people would respond to it. Even so, the surprise factor is just so much fun, I wanted to mention it.
All of our winners will be contacted via email. Thanks to everyone who entered. It really was terrific to see what you came up with, and I learned a lot from reading your entries. This was a great contest. Stay tuned to our blog and newsletter (coming out September 11) for our next contest.
Be Free!
David Denis
hi dave.
all good, my preference is reverse order.
i find that giving someone a “mental memory marker” (funny, zippy, few words, joke, BIG image) is the best
therefore,
3=1
2=2
1=3
cheers.
andy
Comment by andy kaplan — September 4, 2008 @ 10:05 am
Andy, I think your analysis is great. As I said, Amy’s entry was a hoot. Very memorable. I absolutely loved it, and had to award her something.
Nevertheless, my guiding principle in making my judgment is what sort of statement will work for most people most of the time. You are, undoubtedly, a very charismatic personality who walks around with a twinkle in your eye (I can say this because I know you
) You could flash your version of Amy’s elevator speech, smile with those lovely pearly whites, and be in like Flynn. I think there are a lot of people, however, who would simply come off like a smarty pants. I include myself in that group.
Don’s answer works because it’s is so concise and so well crafted. As I said, it’s not exciting if you just look at the words by themselves. It’s rather straightforward and pedestrian. But when it’s so short, it doesn’t really need to be exciting of flashy. In this case, I chose clarity over flash. The excitement comes from Don’s own clarity of purpose, and his passion to help people through his business. If you prefer to build your business, rather than just entertain your prospects, I think it’s a more valuable approach in the long run, for most people. That’s why I ranked them the way I did.
I’m fired up that you commented on this. Who knows, if I had made my choice another day, I might have picked the same way you did.
Comment by Dave Denis — September 4, 2008 @ 5:02 pm