Until recently, I’ve spent much of my life occupying my time with small projects and a list of things to do that has kept me constantly busy. This process has become second nature and I’m quite good at playing the game of being organized and on top of things. Having this list provides a regular sense of accomplishment – crossing off items makes me feel I am making progress.

At the same time, this list also keeps a certain level of stress revving in the background; never quite accomplishing everything because I have so much to do and am so busy. I’m working from sun up to sun down. It can’t be helped. The real problem is these activities are just a big facade – a mask of busyness, a front to keep me from doing the things most important to me.

For years I’ve taken tests, answered surveys, explored my inner passions and recorded results about what I really want to do, who am I and why am I here. Consistently, with 100% accuracy, two things come up again and again – writing and music. They are the two things I believe I was created to do in this life, things closer to my true purpose than anything else I do. Sharing a gift of creativity and music with others brings out the joy from within me, giving something to other people no one else can. Sharing myself this way with others is extremely powerful, something to stand for, something to believe in. I have come to realize I exist to inspire thought and create emotions, in others and also within myself. So why don’t I do these things more? Why don’t I make the time?

Until recently, this ability to create music and words has almost always come second to the ever-pressing list of activities. Why have I been avoiding my dreams and not sharing with the world my words, my songs, and my light? I realized part of the reason is that answering the “why am I here” question takes effort, and energy, and perhaps can never be fully known. Asking can be frustrating, even maddening at times. The real truth, as uncomfortable as it feels to actually put it into words, is fear. I’m not talking about fear in the boogeyman sense – over there is a bear, hand me that shotgun and that chair. That fear serves a purpose of survival and protection. This fear is the fear of success. In my estimation, this is the most damaging fear, the one that affects 99 out of 100 people and yet goes untreated and unanswered most often.

If you are like most people, there is something you have always wanted to do – an idea, a business, a passion, or some dream of what you always wanted to do but just haven’t found the time to pursue. I’ll bet you have a list too! Does it include following your dreams? And if not, why not? I’ll bet it goes something like this: Because, the timing isn’t right. You have to work or perhaps after you get that promotion you will have time. When the kids are grown, then you can think about it. When…whatever. Our lists are often elaborate excuses to not live our lives fully, distracting us from our true purpose.

Where I have made strides in overcoming some of my hang-ups and holdbacks is by changing how I look at things. I am working on not thinking too much about what I should be doing and finding more peaceful moments to just be. I am also getting better at not looking at things as positive or negative, good or bad, right or wrong. Without all of this mental static, I am feeling a greater sense of calm and inner peace, enjoying the moments that make up my days.

I have always tried to be the good guy, the nice guy, and the positive guy, always concerned with what others might think. I’ve finally learned that it’s OK to feel only so-so and even kind of down at times. As a matter of fact, the further down I go, the higher up I reach. Learning to feel is uncomfortable at times. That’s why I have the list. That’s why we all have the list – it keeps us from looking too deeply at the way we are living our lives.

The most exciting part of the things I am learning about myself is discovering what’s really important to me a little bit every day – being real, being honest, being OK with where I’m at and what’s to come. The main thing I know I must do daily is let my passion flow and my creativity emerge. I am living with real purpose, for maybe the first time in my life.

Our distractions and excuses can be very powerful. After all, we’ve spent much of our lives mastering and defending them. But, there is hope in knowing we can make room for our dreams on this list too. Too often we look for a recipe for solving problems and addressing life’s challenges, adding the steps to our list! Fortunately, there is no magic bullet, or ten steps to success that I will offer you. My message is simple and my solution is but one – put the list aside and take one small step toward your dream, today.

Be Free!

Ken Budka
Training Coordinator